The Trapeze Swinger
by psychic soul
Summary: When years pass between two people, no matter how close they were, sometimes, all they can do is to hold on to the memories that they once shared. Really sad oneshot. Songfic. Implied, really subtle romance. Rob/Rae. R&R.


**The Trapeze Swinger**

* * *

**A/N: I heard this song by Iron and Wine on 8tracks and instantly realized how it fit Robin. And so, this super, super sad one shot was born. It was so sad that I actually got depressed and had to pause and do something else before continuing it. But yeah, hope it will still be a nice read despite of that. :)) This will give a very short, vague and summarized background of what happened to the Teen Titans in the comics so I hope it doesn't get too confusing. And nothing really explicit is mentioned so I guess that makes it less confusing.**

**(1) : There is one event here that is really mentioned, and it's part of the New 52. Raven was introduced into the New 52 (the recent revamp of DC of all its storylines) in the Phantom Stranger #1 wherein she was being chased by the Church of Blood (a cult that follows Trigon) and then she gets help from the Phantom Stranger, but is suddenly betrayed by him when he led her straight to Trigon. (That's really what he does, don't worry. He seemingly betrays people, but it's always for a reason :) ) **

**And now currently Trigon and Raven are back to supposedly rule Earth, but Raven is on the side of the (current) Teen Titans. So there, if I was going to put this within the current comic book continuity, I would say this happened right before Teen Titans # 19**

**Anyway, on with the story and I hope you enjoy reading this! Please do review if you feel so inclined to do so! :)**

**I DO NOT OWN TEEN TITANS OR IRON AND WINE'S THE TRAPEZE SWINGER. I ONLY OWN MY BROKEN HEART. :)) **

* * *

After everything that they had been through, after saving the world time and time again, after braving hell to bring each other back, the Teen Titans parted ways, just like that.

First it was Robin, or as he was known now, Nightwing. He was the first to leave the Titans, saying that he had more change to create in the city of Bludhaven. Starfire went to him after awhile, saying that he needed her presence there, in leading the new team called The Outsiders.

Soon after, the Tower opened its doors to new heroes. Wonder Girl, Superboy, Kid Flash were only some of the names that joined the T-shaped Tower, receiving their training from Beastboy, Raven and Cyborg. By that time, they were considered as senior members, acting like mentors to the new and young heroes that came to their doorstep to make a difference in their chaotic world.

A few years had passed, and the original Titans were all much older than they once were. Cyborg's talents deserved a bigger audience, and so he went on to a bigger team, the Justice League of America. They were sad to see him go, but they knew that the world would be a better place if he was protecting it from the giant Watchtower in space.

Beastboy tried to be the leader after the cybernetic man had left. Raven supported him and gave him the strength that he needed, but he soon found out that their time had passed, and it was time to finally let go of the Tower that had been their home for so long. He relinquished the duties of being leader to the third Robin, knowing that he will be just like his predecessor, just like the first Robin before him.

Beastboy left the Tower shortly after that, pursuing his own career as a superhero, dealing with Terra and the Ravagers. Raven on the other hand, disappeared from the radar. No one knew what had happened to her, only that the Church of Blood wanted her, and then she disappeared just like that.

And what of Nightwing and Starfire? After a few years together, they went on their separate ways. The Tamaranian princess could not handle the darkness inside the former Boy Wonder's heart. No matter how perfect they seemed to be in their teenage years, time proved that they were just too different. They both tried, but it was not enough to salvage their broken hearts. Starfire went on to form a new team with Arsenal and Red Hood, forgetting her past as a Titan. Nightwing, on the other hand, reconciled with his mentor and helped the Dark Knight through various crises, while facing his own issues and mysteries.

But at the end of it all, after everything that had changed and transpired between all of them, the past just doesn't disappear like they want it to. Unlike Starfire, they couldn't pretend that all those years meant nothing to them. On quiet nights, when their minds could wander off and stretch through the expanse of time, they couldn't help but return back to those simpler times, to their Titan days when things hadn't changed like they had now. They remembered the times when they'd simply lounge around in the common room, enjoying the time of their careless youth. They would recall Cyborg and Beastboy's tofu-meat wars, Starfire's strange Tamaranian rituals, Robin's obsessive musing on their latest cases, and Raven's silent reading in a corner of the common room. Those innocent times seemed so long ago, and yet the memories were fresh within their minds, as if they happened just yesterday.

It was on nights like those that Nightwing- the man who once was known as Robin- would stand alone atop a random rooftop in the Gotham skyline. Memories would flood his mind, of his past days as a Titan. He would remember his era as their fearless leader, and at the same time, as their closest friend. He remembered the mistakes that he made back then, the wrong calls he made, and the ones that saved their lives. He'd go back to the chances that he missed, the times that he would never get back, the regrets that haunt his mind up until this very day.

And when he'd think of regrets, only one name would cross his mind: Raven. He wished he acted differently around her back then, and not allowed his hormones to influence his every decision. He wished he maintained the closeness that they shared- the figurative and literal bond that their minds had. He wanted to beat his younger self up for cutting off his ties with the dark sorceress, the only person who knew him so well. He couldn't understand how he could just forget her after going through Hell just to bring her back. How could he have allowed the one person to know who he really was to simply drift away from his life?

Now as he stood alone in the dark, he realized how much he needed her presence in his life. Without her, there was no one who knew him-all of him-his darkness, his obsessive behavior, his sense of justice, his desire to make everything right. No one saw him for who he really was: the cocky playboy, the courageous hero, the scared circus boy, the lonely trapeze swinger.

Just then, he heard the familiar fluttering of a cloak behind him. He felt the recognizable warmth of her presence. The scent of vanilla and lavender came upon his senses, and he thought a miracle came upon him then.

She was here.

"Don't you think it's a little late in the night for reminiscing, Boy Wonder?"

He turned to his side and saw her for the first time after all these years. Her purple hair had grown longer, just a little past her shoulders. Her amethyst eyes bore into his crystalline blue ones, reading him as easily as she did before. Her pale skin glowed in the moonlight; she looked like she belonged to the darkness of the night around her. She still wore her old costume, the dark cloak fluttering in the wind, her leotard hugging her curvaceous body. But what really caught his attention was the small smile that played on her lips, a smile that she rarely showed to anyone- except him. It was barely noticeable, but when it came to Raven, that smile spoke volumes of how she truly felt, of the happiness that was welling in her heart.

_Please, remember me_

_Fondly_

_I heard from someone you're still pretty_

_And then_

_They went on to say_

_That the pearly gates_

_Had some eloquent graffiti_

_Like 'We'll meet again'_

_And 'Fuck the man'_

_And 'Tell my mother not to worry'_

_And angels with their gray_

_Handshakes_

_Were always done in such a hurry_

_And_

_(- Iron & Wine, The Trapeze Swinger)_

"You're here." was all he managed to say, a shocked expression etched on his face.

"Your thoughts were calling out to me." she replied simply.

He couldn't take it anymore. He ran to her and enveloped her tightly in his arms. He was holding back the tears that wanted to escape his eyes, unmasked for the first time in a long time, but he didn't care. Raven already saw their color, she already knew him even beyond them, there was no need to hide anything when it came to her.

She hugged him back, seemingly longing for his touch as well. The familiar warmth of their bodies pressed against each other made them feel whole, even after all these years of being apart. It was like they fit right into each other, complementing each other, completing each other, body and soul.

Finally, they had let each other go, but only to look each other in the eye, and to say the words that they had kept from each other for so long.

"I've missed you." he said, with a gigantic smile pasted on his face.

"It's been too long." was her only reply.

"I'm glad to see you wearing your old costume."

"Only for you. I wear something that's more like a bird now. It's disgusting, I don't really like it, but Father made me wear it."

"Father?" he spat the word out with such venom that Raven cringed upon hearing it.

She turned away from the accusing stare that he was giving her, feeling guilty for her current situation. But what could she do? That was what happened to her. He couldn't fault her for being betrayed and being led straight to her father, to the demon Trigon. (1)

"I had no choice, Richard. I was practically offered to him on a silver platter. And now he's about to once again rule over this realm and I'm supposed to help him do it."

"Raven!" he shouted out, grasping her shoulders roughly, forcing her to face him. She was afraid to look into his eyes, to see the anger that would probably be there. But all she saw was guilt, hurt and so much self-loathing. Why was he so guilty? Why was he blaming himself?

"I should have been there for you." he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "I should have protected you."

"You did once." she offered with a small smile.

"Then why couldn't I do it again?"

She laughed at him then, despite the seriousness of their situation, despite the fact that they were talking about the fate of the entire planet. He looked at her as if she was crazy, as if she had lost her mind. He was momentarily afraid that this was her demonic side again, and she was going to swallow him whole. But then her laughter subsided, and her words pained him more than she would ever know.

"So much has changed between us, Richard. We've barely spoken a word over the years. We aren't the Teen Titans anymore. You don't need to save me. Those days have long passed us by."

She smiled at him once again, but it instantly disappeared when she saw the grim expression on his face.

"Is it really just as simple as that?" His voice was so defeated, so broken that it crushed Raven's heart just by hearing it. "Are we supposed to forget everything that we have been through just because time had passed between us? Am I not supposed to care that you were unwillingly handed over to your devil of a father? Am I supposed to stop giving a damn about you?!" He was suddenly shouting at her, not because he was angry at her, but because he was angry at himself. He blamed himself because they came to that point, because he had forgotten all about her just like that, just because they grew apart.

_Please, remember me_

_At Halloween_

_Making fools of all the neighbors_

_Our faces painted white_

_By midnight_

_We'd forgotten one another_

_And when the morning came_

_I was ashamed_

_Only now it seems so silly_

_That season left the world_

_And then returned_

_And now you're lit up by the city_

_So_

___(- Iron & Wine, The Trapeze Swinger)_

She bowed her head down, unsure of how to continue, unsure of what to say to the seething man before her. Her voice was barely above a whisper when she finally spoke, "It seemed that way."

He was shocked to hear those words from her mouth, though they barely reached his ears. He was appalled that she ever thought that way, but he knew that she had so much more to say to him.

"You were out there in Bludhaven, with Starfire or Batgirl. You seemed happy, or at least, preoccupied with your girlfriends, with The Outsiders, with whatever you were doing. And I was busy with the Titans, too. They're all grown up now, you'd be proud when you see them." There was that smile again, gracing her lips, knowing that she had digressed. "We simply grew apart, Richard. It doesn't mean that we cared any less for each other, it just happens, even to the closest of friends. And now here we are, you, the courageous, strong and brave Nightwing, and I, the bastard half-demon who's going to help her Father destroy the Earth."

"Don't you dare say that!" Richard shouted out, his voice echoing through the rooftops, his arms like chains, gripping tightly to her own. "You are a hero, Raven. You will always be a Titan, you will always be my friend. You saved the world time and time again. You can save us again, just like you did before." _Just like you saved me. _

_Please, remember me_

_As in the dream_

_We had as rug-burned babies_

_Among the fallen trees_

_And fast asleep_

_Aside the lions and the ladies_

_That called you what you like_

_And even might_

_Give a gift for your behavior_

_A fleeting chance to see_

_A trapeze_

_Swing as high as any savior_

_But_

___(- Iron & Wine, The Trapeze Swinger)_

Raven was taken aback by his sudden outburst. After all this time without any form of communication with him, she was surprised to see how much he still cared, how he still saw her: as a Titan, as a friend. After everything that she had done toward him, after all the mistakes and the sins that she had committed, he didn't blame her for any of it, he still considered her as his friend.

He softened his hold on her right arm, just so she could place it gently on his cheek. Her palm felt so familiar to him that he couldn't help but lean into her hand, to revel in its softness. "You will always be my friend, Richard." she spoke in his silence. "You will always be my savior from Hell, the Boy Wonder, the brave Nightwing, the cocky Richard Grayson, the ever-graceful trapeze swinger."

He looked up to her then, and finally realized how integral she was to him. Out of all the people in his life, out of all the women that he had loved, it was only Raven who saw him completely, who saw him for who he really was. She knew about all of the facets of his personality, of his different personas, and yet, she didn't see him as broken or damaged. She saw him as a friend, and he truly wished she could see him as more than that.

But they both knew that it was too late for that. They had grown too far apart for that to happen. All they could hold on was the memories that they had shared, their moments they had together, and their friendship that had saved the world, and saved each other, from certain death.

"Please, don't forget everything that we shared. Don't forget that there are people here who care deeply for you. Don't forget that you are important, especially to me. When you're faced with your Father's destruction, remember how you saved the world once before, and you can do it again now. Please remember..." _Me._

_Please, remember me_

_Seldomly_

_In the car behind the carnival_

_My hand between your knees_

_You turn from me_

_And said 'The trapeze act was wonderful_

_But never meant to last'_

_The clown that passed_

_Saw me just come up with anger_

_When it filled with circus dogs_

_The parking lot_

_Had an element of danger_

_So_

___(- Iron & Wine, The Trapeze Swinger)_

Before they knew what was happening, their lips were suddenly pressed against each other. Neither of them knew who initiated it, but it didn't matter to them. All that mattered was for that moment, they felt whole. For once, they realized how important they were to one another, how much they truly meant to each other. But their kiss also spoke of how far apart they had become, of how different they were, of how they could never go back to who they once were. But the memories that they shared, their silent connection that would always be there, the importance they held in each other's hearts, was enough. It had to be enough.

They finally parted from each other, allowing them the breath that their lungs were burning for. They looked right at each other's eyes, speaking volumes without even opening their mouths. They knew that they had to go on their separate ways, to their own clearly separate lives. But this short meeting was what they needed to go on, to continue doing what they had to do, even if they were far apart from each other.

"Goodbye, Richard." She finally said, breaking the comfortable silence that had fallen upon them. Her voice, though seemingly monotonous, held all the pain she felt when she realized that they had to go their separate ways, maybe even forever.

"'Til we meet again, Raven." His voice was hopeful. No matter what happened, no matter how bleak the situation was, he would always have hope that things would be better. Even as she spoke of the impending doom of the world, he was still hopeful. But only because it was her; he would always have hope in his heart when it came to her, a hope that only she could give him.

Her beautiful smile was once again on her lips, knowing all too well what his words meant. She gave him one last look before she enveloped herself in her dark energy, leaving the former Boy Wonder just as alone as he was a few moments before.

But as he still stared on the spot on which she stood just seconds ago, he did not feel as empty as he was before. Though she wasn't physically with him, the fact that she will keep him in his heart, the fact that she remembered him as he was, the simple fact that she knew him as the trapeze swinger, was enough.

_Please, remember me_

_Finally_

_And all my uphill clawing_

_My dear_

_But if I make_

_The pearly gates_

_Do my best to make a drawing_

_Of God and Lucifer_

_A boy and girl_

_An angel kissing on a sinner_

_A monkey and a man_

_A marching band_

_All around the frightened trapeze swingers_

___(- Iron & Wine, The Trapeze Swinger)_


End file.
